Essential Business English     

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Sample Edit

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“A tall steel and glass edifice rises in the city’s most prominent neighbourhood. Every possible luxury has been integrated including a sumptuous spa, a relaxing pool awaits, your concierge caters to your every need. Inside, luxury everywhere…Subzero and Miele appliances, granite and marble counters, hardwood floors…all just across from the St. George subway station facing the ROM and The Royal Conservatory of Music – this is life at One Bedford. Experience it for yourself.”

HERE ARE THE CORRECTIONS (errors in black; explanations in blue):

A tall steel and glass edifice (unfamiliar usage) rises in the city’s most prominent neighbourhood. Every possible luxury has been integrated including a sumptuous spa, a relaxing pool awaits (faulty parallel), your concierge caters to your every need (run-on sentence). Inside, luxury everywhere…(colon instead of ellipses)Subzero and Miele appliances, granite and marble counters, hardwood floors…all just across from the St. George subway station (ambiguous - suggests the counters/floors are across from the subway) facing the ROM and The Royal Conservatory of Music – this is life at One Bedford. Experience it for yourself.

The above original copy requires a complete rewrite.

Consider this rewrite:

One Bedford—an exquisite condominium residence resplendent in steel and glass—rises up in one of Toronto’s most prominent neighbourhoods. Luxurious amenities include: a sumptuous spa, a relaxing pool, and a concierge to cater to your every need. Each residence is magnificently appointed: Subzero and Miele appliances, granite and marble countertops, and gleaming hardwood floors.

All this can be found in this exclusive residence right across the street from the ROM and The Royal Conservatory of Music, a short stroll to the village shops of Yorkville, and just steps from the St. George subway station.

This is One Bedford. Reward yourself.



The following is the copy from an advertisement that appeared in the Globe and Mail newspaper (Toronto) for the condominium project “One Bedford.” This copy was in dire need of correction and editing.


With the emergence of English as the official language of business worldwide, it is critical that business writers produce clear, concise communication. In business, writing tasks may range from a simple memorandum to detailed proposals and reports. However, regardless of the simplicity or the complexity of a piece of written communication, the principles of excellent writing must be observed. Written communication is like a corporate ambassador: companies will be judged by the professionalism evident in their business writing.